"Purpose" itself is Purposeless

The other day when I gave a thought about what I've been doing for a month where I didn't even sigh in between, I wondered.

I got stuck, I got confused, and I went blank...

The entire perspective of life collapsed in my head.

It STARTED with the thoughts about my employment. Yes, I got employed recently placing the first step on my career ladder. It has barely been a month and I haven't even received my first paycheck yet. And, I'm not gonna lie - I'm really passionate about what I've been doing. I love the workplace, my colleagues, and the atmosphere. It is so great and I'm truly grateful to have such a calm, positive, and friendly environment. Because I hardly see people finding their jobs pleasing. So, I'm really grateful for it.

But...

When I gave a thought about what the purpose of running this way is... I realized that it is always the compensation or profit.

And, extending my thoughts further took me to a scenario where I'll start earning money and utilize it to cover my basic needs. The more I kept thinking about what would happen when I climbed the ladder up and earned more, the more the horizon expanded, i.e, eventually, I'll start managing all my expenditures by myself, start supporting my family's necessities, start donating or helping more, start investing more, start living a luxurious life, and so on...

And, where will it end you think?

For me, it ended up in a state of perplexity. Beyond a point, I didn't even have a thing in my mind that I wanted to do with it. I got to a point where I was confused about what I would do with all the money then.

Then, I felt that meeting our daily needs itself was way enough. And, it made me wonder why then I've had this craving to get a "great" job and earn "more." Because in the end, anyway, I am only going to end up reaching a point where I would only look after meeting my basic needs. Then why would I have to follow this great and great, earn and earn, more and more attitude? Enough is enough I felt and my head got also clouded with many questions.

Why are we running and running?

Why do we run to get a high-end job?

Why do we want more and more?

What is the career ladder's destination or does it even have one?

"Why, why, why" has completely seized my mind and I ended up asking myself, "Why do I have to live?!"

Yes, it might sound heavy but it is not something related to mental health issues but rather the deep and intense questioning of Life.

And, this is nothing new to me. Because I used to think this way from a very early age - extending my questions about life to the point where it all goes blank and I end up confusing my whole brain.

The more I think, the more I get done with the "so-called" reality. I'm getting done with the ENTIRE existence and would like to see something new. I question myself why I would have to do this and that, run working and earn, why do I have to achieve this and that, I wonder ALL. I wonder what the purpose of life is. Then, I wonder what the purpose of investing time in wondering what the purpose of life is. I feel like this whole thing of working, trying to achieve more, trying to earn more, running and running, and all has no purpose. We may have a purpose, but Life doesn't.

I feel that we all are programmed and we can't think beyond that. It is a programmed existence. Not sure if we gave AI that restriction or not, but God or the supernatural power has/have probably given the best restriction limit to us. My thinking this way must be some kind of bug popping up and you know what? This bug would be so easily fixed by him/her/it/them soon now when I'm put to sleep tonight - the restart mode to activate the updates.

By writing this blog, I'm ensuring that despite fixing the bug, its effect stays still. Yet, even with this awareness, we people are definitely going to run the same track because that's how perfectly we are programmed.

Anyway, in the end, what all these thoughts have ended me with is an approach of not taking things seriously in life. Usually, I have a rigid lifestyle to keep things and do things so and so. But since the moment I went through this... my whole approach to life has changed and I've become a lot more carefree and more cool and I don't view anything bothering me now. Wish I could remain the same.